‘The best version of me’

I’m not a naturally confident person.  i am my biggest doubter and my biggest critic.  Ask my colleagues they would probably disagree, but I come across confident when around people I’ve developed a level of comfort with.  put me in with a group of new people and I find things really hard.  I’m not boisterous or outgoing, I’m never the center of a conversation or the driving force behind a meeting.  I doubt my own opinions, my value and the person that I am.  I don’t really like how i look, I’ve always been bigger than i should be, and I’ve always been to conscious of other peoples opinions to do anything about it.  Which is odd, whilst I expect people would judge me for how I look, I thought people would judge me for trying to do something about it.  Why?  I don’t know.  People are strange things, complex, reliably unpredictable and don’t conform to a standard.

But that’s what I thought.  that was what was in my head.  It just was.  I had settled on always being this self doubting, unimpressive looking person since secondary school.  Change seemed unlikely.

So June 2017 arrives.  I’m still that person.  I’m married (for the second time) and have four children – all amazing individuals that I’m incredibly  proud of.  The youngest being only 3 months old at this point.  Something just switches in my head.  I cannot pinpoint the exact thing, the exact moment or trigger.  There were a group of things that conspired to make me feel, this is the moment, if not now it won’t happen.  Let me explain …

In December 2016 we moved to a new house.  A nice new build.  easy to look after, good location for work, schools etc, that whole family life thing.  I love the new house and very happy with the location.  It might be classed as the countries most ‘normal’ place (Didcot) but I like it.  My choice.  We are also located on the edge of a sports field (Boundary Park) and our front door pretty much opens up onto the footpath around the edge of it. (the picture is an aerial view of Boundary Park)

In January 2017 I turned 40.  I never believed in that idea that you hit 40 and you have that ‘epiphany’, that need to go and change your life.  Why should I.  40 is just 39 + 1, it’s doubley as good as 20.  It’s a number.  But it did fire a little rocket in my mind, it made me reflect, made me think ‘is this the best version of me’?

That paired with the fact that I noticed the old waistline creeping up made me decide if I don’t do it now I may never take the plunge.

So late June 2017 I rolled into a New Balance factory outlet, bought a cheap pair of trainers, a pair of shorts and a t-shirt (all in large size) and took them home. That was the start of the journey …

Part – 1 The best version of me

Part – 2 Learning to Walk

Part -3 Evolution not Revolution

Part 4: First Run

Part – 5 Me and Mo Farah

Nick 26 June 2018

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