… in for a pound!

So. I don’t know if you’re anything like me but the worst part of anything that has the potential to cause you total embarrassment isn’t the actual event. It’s the anticipation, that period before anything happens when you are pretty much committed without chance of return, yet can’t get stuck in. That Saturday night before the Big Half 2018 (or as I will now describe it ‘The Race’) can only be described as like being in the queue outside the school hall at age 15/16 waiting for your exams to begin. You are committed but you equally can’t start.

For me the exams analogy stretches further too as this was my first race, so I had no idea what to expect, no benchmark, no yardstick to compare to. Of course I had read online blogs, people’s racediaries just to see what people said and I felt positive about those. But that’s just words. What if this race – which was a new race and never run before !! – was a nightmare, it could be too hard and challenging, I might be surrounded by more elite runners than I expect, I might get lost as I’m on my own ( lost yeah I know. How the he’ll I thought I might get lost is a bit beyond me. Especially as I work in London!)

The night before I panic I’ve eaten all the wrong things for the last week and start thinking I’ll pass out before the end.

The night before I panic I’m not prepared with the right running kit, and will overdress and sweat myself to an early exit.

The night before I worry I won’t wear enough and freeze to a standstill before Tower Bridge.

The night before I panic I haven’t gone to the loo enough and will need to stop on the route and find toilets which would just be embarrassing to me.

That night I wasn’t exactly calm and placid and ready, that’s without wvenkpanicking that I would get caught in traffic and be late or simple get lost and not find the start!

sometime you can be your own worst enemy …

I finally got my gear ready. I had planned to drive to work (West London) and then get the tube. Work has a shower so I was taking stuff to change into after the race.

I gathered my running stuff – shorts, Hilly socks, Nike compression top, top layer and trainers (Brooks Ghost 10) and then my tracksuit bottoms and stuff to shower and change into when I get back to work after the race. I then pack about a similar volume of things I panic into thinking I might need but ultimately don’t. I’ve packed enough stuff for a family weekend away!

I eat a decent meal that evening, nothin excessive but plenty of carbs.

I don’t sleep much that night – I’m planning the race through my head withbaround 12 different scenarios. Most I fail embarrassingly to finish or survive! In one I beat Mo Farah to the finish line -#gotohaveadream!!

Early start the next day, and the butterflies have certainly come home. My guts feel like that are having a party and I’m not invited. I gather some snacks and drink (enough for a trek through sun-Saharan Africa! And head out in the car.

It’s ahout 5am on a Sunday morning. I’m panicking I’ll be late. But, there’s almost no other cars on the road and I arrive very early !  I jump on the tube – really nervous by this point and still thinking that I might not find the start and am immediately calmed. Almost everyone is carrying the same ‘kit bag’ from The Race over their shoulder with a Lucozade bottle and a Snickers bar in it. I’ve not seen so much Lycra, old running shoes and people of all shapes and sizes are coming together for a coming purpose. I’m amongst like minded people. Admittedly most of them look nervous like me, but at least we are nervous together. I’m feeling a bit better.

We get to London Bridge tube station and the crowd grows. The fear of not knowing wherento go subsides as there are hundreds of people all heading in the right direction. I follow the crowd and head towards the start.

So for those that haven’t done this sort of thing before there are some very organised steps pre-race to follow, however in a mass event like this it simply becomes chaos and a mass of bodies. It helped I had really read the instructions before the race.

I find my baggage drop point, swap my shoes, take off my jacket – it’s still very cold- and hand in my bag – will I ever see it again? – oh for gods sake shut up!!!!

I’m in wave C.  Again this isn’t a normal thing to me but with the number of people running they stagger starts  so although the race starts at 9am I’m not likely to start until 9:15 ish.  That’s fine but there goes my dream of beating Mo 😂

So I’m in line, it’s 8:15 and it’s damn cold.  I opted for shorts thinking I’ll warm up but know I’m shivering and it’s too late to change my mind.  There is music and commentary and interviews with famous runners – I listen to Sophie Raworth talking ultra marathons – and it helps pass the time.  However, the period of calm has passed, I’m more nervous than ever, my legs and arms are frozen and everyone around me sounds and looks like a seasoned Marathon runner – I’m in the wrong place – surely.

I’m in the right place, Wave C and everyone here has the same Bib label.  I am OK, but not sure my guts will last the race.  “Time to move towards the start line” I hear and the Wave C mass starts moving forward.  A few moments later I see the Start line and the heart beat countdown starts.  I think my heart is about to burst out my chest, this is madness!

”GO”

It’s 9:15 on 4 March 2018 and I’m taking my first steps in a half marathon in one of the greatest cities in the world watched by thousands, surrounded by about 12000 other runners, and unsure of what to expect.  My legs carry me forward as the crowds cheer.

up to this point I had read a lot about people saying how much the crowd helps you through  I could see how this might be the case but didn’t know what they meant.  It only took a few minutes to realise the affect this had.  The start and end are well supported but in between there are periods with very few spectators.  Every cluster of supporters cheered the runners through and every time it gave you that great sensation of achievement.  Every cheer felt like a finish line, it made my tingle, it made my legs lighten, my breathing ease and my feet move quicker.  Every time.  The feeling is hard to describe but it’s real.  The crowd are more than just a support and an encouragement, it’s like having an extra motor that when a crowd appears gets kicked in to action, driving you that bit quicker.  Sure between this it’s hard and there are times that the effort is high, but the crowds are through and you are never far from a cluster of people with their magical motivational powers!  It’s was AMAZING!  I loved it.  Every bit-ish.

The race itself is fairly straightforward, quite flat with the exception of the limehouse link tunnel, and well signed.  The fear I would get lost was so unrealistic it was silly!!

As with the full London marathon thee are cobbles and running on these are nasty. Not my favourite bit. But the. You jump into the footpath and miss them ou, no big deal.

Up until now 18Km was my longest run so I was entering realms unseen before for me.  I got to half way OK, no big drama.  But it was getting tough.  My decision to wear shorts worked out as it was soon pretty warm, I’m a hot runner so I was glad I had been brave💪!

The second half was hard.  I found just mentally ticking off the mile markers really helped, but the crowd carried me through.

i was running for charity and had a vest that I had put my name on.  This turned out to be the best thing ever.  Cheek g crowds are great, they really boost you, but hearing people shout your name, giving you- yes you- encouragement, willing you be name has no comparison.  It’s like having your own coaching team there with you.  I would go as far as to say I actually felt great at those points, I was knackered but on top of the world!

Around 11 miles I was reaching my max distance preciously run and I had heavy legs.  I was thinking about a brief walk to give me a last push over the line.  But I then decided that I would just carry on, my legs were heavy, my body felt tired, but it was still moving, I didn’t feel as though I had to stop, my mind was just throwing ideas out there.  One of the things I have found in running is that your body does get tired when you run, you do get heavy legs and you are knackered st some point, but it can be easy to pause and walk, lose momentum and not always get it back.  I found there’s a difference in what my body is saying between “good effort I’m working hard for you” and “please stop I’m spent”.  Often I would stop on the first queue, but then realised , training is meant to be tough, it’s meant to be hard work.  I then just tried to see what happens if I search for the second message from my brain.  When I did this I found I could run further, 2Km training quickly become 4 or 5Km and then 5Km quickly became 7Km.  Of course you need to be careful and your body is a very important thing to listen to, but sometimes the feedback is just a note to self that you are working hard and not always a prompt to stop.

I was in the last 2 miles and the legs were spent, I carried on but they felt like I had toddlers hanging off my legs dragging me back (that’s what normally happens at home!)  But I ploughed on with the amazing crowd support now building and the end really closing – I simply had to do this.  With 500m let’s he crowd was great a light shower started – refreshing 😀 – and the end was there.  I had always thought I’ll really chuck all the logs on the fire for the finish, really throw it over the line.  I dug deep and searched, but nope, nothing else there.  How professionals do it is without question amazing.  The likes of Mo Farah who on the same stretch less than an hour earlier had sprinted to finish are machines!  I was certainly out of logs!!

But the line arrived, I punched the air – really not usually my kind of thing!! – and I had done it.  I couldn’t have been happier.  I had done a half marathon with a body that had an allergy to running only 9 months prior.

My time was 1 hr 40 min 6 secs

I had finished in the top 2000 which never sounds great but I couldn’t have been more satisfied.

I had overcome all the doubt, challenges, training, the Beast from the East and completed the race.

Now the question was what had I learnt and what did this mean?

Part – 1 The best version of me

Part – 2 Learning to Walk

Part -3 Evolution not Revolution

Part – 4 First Run

Porthcurno to Pendower Coves

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I took this run on the 5th June 2018 whilst on holiday in Cornwall.  We were staying in Porthcurno, about 5 minutes from the Minack Theatre, where the South West Coastal path can be directly accessed.

I was there with Family, but having been into running for about a year, I was keen to try more trail running having started the Ridgeway path recently.

This first run was 11.71 Km and took 1Hr 20.

Total Elevation gain was 476m and there were a lot of hills.

The photos slides above were taken on the run.  Below is the Strava profile and map.

In brief this is a great mixed route. It starts at the Minack theatre car park. The Minack is itself a fabulous must visit place so we took some time out whilst there to go around. There’s nothing I’ve seen quite like this cliff side theatre.

from there it’s initially very overgrown, lots of nettles and very narrow but soon you are out of this and heading towards PorthChapel which has a lovely sandy beach. Along the route you can also see what is called St Levans Holy Well. Modest stone feature with a sign but easily missed. I don’t actually notice it until my third ru. Which I’ll write up later!

From here continue through some pretty easy If undulating trail (very light trail of in good weather) to Porthgwarra. Here there is a cafe on the path which if open, is lovely. Great place to pause. There’s a very small beach but a couple of pretty cottages. You can also rent some right in the cove!

On the west side of Porthgwarra is an RSPB reserve and it was packed full of Chough’s. I’ve seen them before but never so many!!

Moving westwards you eventually reach the Coastguard hut. Just before you get there the path has a few options and if you steer closest to the cliff edge (it’s really quite safe) you can see a great hole in the ground where the roof of a sea cave has collapsed. Have to admit I didn’t hang around but it felt pretty sound to me!!

From there I ran pretty much to Nanjizal beach before turning and heading back.

This was my first South West Coastal Path run and I was already smitten. It was hard work with every bay being steep down and back up. It was a mixed surface route with some pretty rocky points and grassland, gravel and compacted mud. But the scenery is without doubt some of the most amazing you could ever wish to have alongside any run.

Take the opportunity to try it if you can!! Though I recommend long socks if going through Porthcurno as the stinging nettles were brutal!!

I guess when I started to run there was always a part of me that thought

“I’m sure it can’t be that hard to get to the point that you can run a marathon!”

On reflection now I think I was probably mad to think that it was easy. Actually I know I was mad. The thing that I need to explain is that I’m painfully and personally annoyingly competitive. If I decide I’m going to do something I have to feel that I’m going to be alright at it. This is a trait that really annoys me. It’s a trait that means I often choose to hold back from doing things that I could have done. Physically or socially. It goes back to school and the feeling that it’s best to avoid attention and lurk in the back of the class.

Writing this blog has given me opportunity to think about myself and look at the journey I’ve gone through in life as well as running. Thinking about the impact of my competitive nature it’s clear to me the reason for feeling I will only take part in things I am confident in doing well at is fear of embarrassment.

“How could I cope with being last over the line. Everyone would know and I would be a laughing stock!!” ☹️

Writing that actually embarrasses me a bit as it’s stupid and doesn’t really reflect the level of effort and commitment that even reaching the start line, let alone finish line, of the race takes.

Trying to reach the point of feeling I could call myself a runner made me realise that taking part in a marathon or half marathon or even a 10 or 5K IS an achievement, it really is a big deal and it really is something to be proud of.

So I got to November 2017 and decided I would jump in and commit to doing a race. Of course there are loads to choose from and many of them local runs that nobody would know about that I could just turn up and see how I get on.

That might be true, but I decided to sign up to the inaugural London Big Half in March 2018. Deep end springs to mind but I thought it’s fine. A while to train and I’ll be fine when it comes round. That was sort of true.

TRAINING

So money paid, confirmation email in my inbox. 4 months to race day. ARRRRGGGGGGH what have I done????? There was a moment of “gulp and breath” and for a while I thought. Well it’s not that expensive if I don’t do it it’ll be fine! Another thing I look back on and think – really!

Anyway I had to train to feel confident. Type “half marathon training plan” into Google and I assure you that you’ll get enough different training plans to make you dizzy. There are loads, literally tonnes and how on earth are you meant to choose the best. And most importantly one that works for you, your fitness, lifestyle, available time and ability to commit. I don’t know the answer to that, sorry!

What I do know is that the best plan is the one that fits with you and not necessarily the next person or the last person. I also think a few points are worth stating that I found as being useful:

1. Don’t target running fast
2. Do vary runs to not just be the same route
3. Include hills – no matter how minor
4. Run varying speeds either short burst at a faster rate (Fartlek or intervals) or extended periods of a faster rate (tempo runs)
5. Run most of your runs to be no more that half the time/distance off the race you are training for
6. Add 1 long run which targets running up to the distance of your run, no need to go longer

These principles are what I based my training on. Others might be more analytical in their approach but I think this is a good way, especially for newbies who want to put some training on.

so I spent the rest of the autumn following this plan and generally felt good about the training.  I was covering good distances and times were OK.  I run on my own so it’s hard to know for sure but I was happy with it.

Then the winter came and caused problems. Rain, wind and ultimately snow. All of which seem daft to lace up and run in. What sort of lunatic does that. Well I had read a few posts about motivation for new runners and had repeatedly seen that people say you have to stick to a plan. As soon as you let things slip for modest reasons you will start losing the mojo. I can see that. I can relate too as that’s normally the approach I would take. Not this time though, oh no!  This time I’m going to try and stick with it. And this was the thing that made all the difference in two ways. Firstly I really did stick to it. Come rain, wind, shine or snow if I had planned to run I did. My wife thinking I was slowly losing my remaining marbles. Secondly I spent half my time looking for all types of running gear. Stuff to stay warm in, stuff to stay dry in. Breathable but waterproof etc etc. This is a mine field and so many option you have to stop listening eventually!!

Antway, training going well and race day about a month away the wobble set in!  There was no trigger I was doing fine but I suddenly hit massive doubts time. This was my lack of confidence waking up, the bit that normally would have stopped me before this point. It had been dormant like a mythical dragon and now it awakened (ok, enough of the dragon thing). I had a couple of days of really thinking maybe it was best to drop the silly idea of a public run. Yes I could run but Noemi was going to do it in front of people that had chosen to come and watch runners – they weren’t surely going to be interested in watching me!

I had loads of reason to pull out:

• I would be last
• I would probably hurt myself
• I was going to look stupid
• I would be too slow and they might ask me to stop

In fact anything that might be bad was going to happen to me. I had to drop out.

Whilst all those things could happen. There was no reason to feel they were likely and one other thought was in a contest with those.  I had told a lot of people what I was doing. Almost everyone that I know. It was likely going to be very embarrassing explaining to them why I had pulled out. I would have to come up with a good reason – none of the above are good enough. Probably an injury. That’s easy and nobody would argue it.

Thats the kind of thinking that goes on in my head. Find ways of backing out when you get scared. Even if a like is the only option.

I hard a long chat with the doubters in my head and convinced myself I had to go on. I then had the Beast of the East to beat!

with race day approaching weather had been bad. A lot of snow for February and this Beast from the East was a Godzilla like weather front coming to end the world – must rush out and huy unnecessary amounts of bread and milk and some tinned soup – which I never eat – got to love a quick dose of panic buying in supermarkets.

Now the snow was causing events to be cancelled. Mine was playing it’s cards close to its chest not wanting to cancel too soon. It had some big names running and presumably there was pressure to run as long as it was safe.

The snow gave another opportunity to bail out though. It had been harder to run and if the race was in doubt maybe I should just commit to staying at home hugging a radiator. I decided to leave it to the organisers.

2 days before race day they had still yet to commit. An email came out stating final decision by 2 pm Saturday. That’s only 19 hours before the start!  Not everyone was too happy. Lots of people finding travel hard and for some distances being travelled meant that was too late to decide. But the organisers had called it

I had travel challenges too. No trains to get me there on time. Not a fan of driving in to London and having to be there for 8am on a Sunday is a bit awkward – especially having kids who like to keep you up at night!

2pm on a Saturday approached and the final word can out from the organisers. The race was on. The snow had mostly gone (on the course) and it was safe.

Now, that’s great. But it was also too late to back out now. I was going to have to go through with this.  Ah well, in for a penny …

Part – 1 The best version of me

Part – 2 Learning to Walk

Part -3 Evolution not Revolution

Part 4: First Run

Part – 5 Me and Mo Farah

‘I’m a runner!’  I had reached a point in my journey where I thought I could class myself as a runner.  Now, what I had also found out is that I am also very critical of my performance.  I am quick to judge what I do, and quick to be disappointed.  In the earlier parts of my story I described that feeling when I realised a good first run had been a fluke and I had needed to go back before going forward.  I soon experienced that feeling again.

“I HADN’T REALLY CONSIDERED MYSELF COMPETITIVE”

Once I felt comfortable in my ability to run around in a circle for 2Km or so I soon started looking at the tracking apps and realised that I can compare my performance to others.  BIG MISTAKE!!!! I hadn’t realised how much seeing other peoples performances would affect me.  I hadn’t really considered myself competitive.  But there I was looking at course times and segment speeds of people I have never and probably will never know or meet, and feeling disappointed that my time was twice as long as theirs, or my speed was so far from theirs that surely I was doing something wrong.

Having spent time now connected to various groups on Facebook and reading other peoples updates, I can see I’m not the only one.  Lots of us compare ourselves and judge our abilities against others.  I think it’s human nature, its natural.  We do it with many aspects of our lives.  That didn’t make it any less impactful, I didn’t initially just shrug it off and think Meh!

“MUST DO BETTER”, “MUST TRY HARDER”

There was a period where my running was too affected by this idea of ‘must do better’, ‘must try harder’.  I would spend runs just trying to get faster splits around my local course on MapMyRun.  Or trying to top the leader board in any way I could – the most number of repeats was the easy one to achieve! In reflection, this was not the best use of my energy and running time.  My runs weren’t adding value, they weren’t helping me improve as a budding new runner.  I got stuck in this for a few weeks.  not really seeing my runs improve, having the odd niggle, and generally flogging myself and thinking this was the way to become a better runner.

“EVOLUTION NOT REVOLUTION”

So what changed me, what made me realise I needed to evolve.  What led me to the idea of ‘evolution not revolution’?

Sad to say it was an injury.  Nothing major, but I had been doing one of my normal Km loop runs (as ever trying harder than was sensible for such a newbie) and I felt a tweak in my right knee.  Just something little, nothing crippling and I finished the lap (another 0.5Km) and wrapped up my run at that.

The next morning I felt as if my leg was going to fall off.  Now I live in a three story townhouse and waking up to a very sore knee was a shock when I realised how many stairs I needed to move up and down simply to get out the door to work!!  That day every time I put weight on my right leg and moved I was in pain.  Yet again my enthusiasm for running meant I was gutted.  ‘How was I going to run tonight with my knee hurting?’  The one thing that looking back on this moment seems stupid is I tried.  I was embarrassed to say I had injured my knee, even to my wife!

Im expecting that most of us realise that usually if there is a pain in a joint or limb, running is probably not a good idea – of course that should be the default thought, but no, not in this case.  That run was a short one!  1Km, gave in and hobbled in thinking I hope it’s just a small thing and I’ll sleep it off.

3 days later I was at the doctor, with him trying to pull my leg off!

My doctor diagnosed a bruised ACL.  Which I thought might be a disaster and in reality it was a couple of weekd away from running.

So what can you do when you can’t run?

It seemed as though my life was suddenly full of a massive void.  Only a few weeks ago the idea of finding time to run would have been laughable, now I was thinking ‘What can I do with all this time?’  so I hit the internet and started reading about running.

What did I learn?  Well a lot and a lot of stuff that I didn’t understand and a lot of advice that was:

Hey you can try this or this or this and that, but you need to find out what works for you.

What does that mean?  Should I do what the writer is saying, or should I ‘find my own thing’?  how do I find my own thing?  And yes there is the idea of getting advice 1-2-1, speak to a personal trainer.  Nope, not enough confidence to do that, I’ll have to work this out.

When I felt OK to run again I started with 2 weeks of very gentle 2Km circles locally.  After which I thought, right time to move this on a level.

I found a route that had some decent incline and ran that down, turn and return back up.  I also started running where I broke out in a faster pace for some of it, then slower, then fast etc etc.  Still only 2Km most of the time.  I held back on the urge to push distance and speed, just doing mixtures of hills, and these pace intervals.  I then had read about long easy paced runs.  So tried once a week to do a run that little bit longer, not worrying about speed, but just running for longer.

I was running about 4 times a week, 3 short but varied runs and 1 long run on a Sunday or Saturday morning.

I’m not sure if that made the difference, I guess people would say it did, but over time my times improved, my distance increased and I started to really feel I was improving, I was making progress.  Changing from just running around in circle after circle outside my house seemed to be the start of the next phase, I had evolved as a runner.

So I was back running after a short lay-off, I had used the time to identify I should mix things up, and I was getting the benefit.

Where do you go from here?  Time to book a race?  The idea was ridiculous, why would I put myself in front of the public to do something that I doubted I was very good at?

An hour later I was signed up for my first run!

Part – 1 The best version of me

Part – 2 Learning to Walk

Part -3 Evolution not Revolution

Part 4: First Run

Part – 5 Me and Mo Farah